


It's Like Screaming

by thedarkunicorn



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, I'm Sorry, M/M, Please Don't Kill Me, Suicide, homophobic father, i just wanted to say that, or do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 17:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10417887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedarkunicorn/pseuds/thedarkunicorn
Summary: Harry struggles living on without Louis.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It's my first time writing anything like this so I hope I did a good job.
> 
> Also, English is not my native language so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out if you spot any. 
> 
> And I'm sorry for this...

It's like screaming... but no one can hear. It's almost overwhelming, how someone could be that important, and now that they're gone you feel like absolutely nothing. It's still so surreal. That you're not here any more. It almost feels like yesterday we were chasing each other around so you could pin me down and tickle me until I'd taken back whatever it was you were so outraged about. I would always wait until I was barely breathing properly and my sides hurt so much from laughing just so I could see for a little while longer the crinkles by your eyes that always appeared when your smile or laugh was sincere and that I was so endeared about.

My parents have been fighting a lot more recently. I guess it's because of me... Dad's been barely sober the last few days and mum's had enough. Every night when my father comes home, he starts shouting at my mum telling her what a disappointment of a son she has raised, he shouts about anything and everything really, which isn't new. You should know. You sneaked into my room countless nights so you could comfort me. But now you're gone though...

You're gone. And I feel like I have a freaking hole in my chest. It hurts so much that I can barely breathe.

Niall has been trying to make me talk to him, said it would make me feel better, help me. When, really, the only thing that could make me feel better is having you back. He didn't like my answer though and even called my mum, who has decided that I should see a psychologist so that I can move on with my life. Without you. How do they expect me to just forget about you though? You were literally my sun, Lou. How can they expect me to live without my sun?

That afternoon is still as clear as crystal in my mind. I was finally going to tell you the truth about how I felt. It just felt like it was the right time, you know? It was the anniversary of our friendship, we had finally graduated from that crappy high school and we had both decided to go to Leeds for Uni. We were going to be free at last. Free from our narrow minded village. Free from my homophobic father who hates me so much. Free. But you didn't show up. And I was so angry at you when you called two hours later saying that you had completely forgotten. You were saying how sorry you felt but I was having none of it. As I started screaming and yelling at you, I could vaguely hear the sound of a car engine and your failed attempts at calming me down. Deep down I knew I was over reacting but I was just so hurt that you'd forgotten something so important for the both of us so I just yelled one last thing and hung up on you.

Then, one hour later I got a phone call from your mum that changed everything. Two seconds into the call and my heart was already on my throat. She was crying so hard, that I didn't understand a word of what she was saying at first, although tears were already gathering up in my eyes. But when I finally got what she was saying, my knees gave out and suddenly I was a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor and then remembering our last conversation, I froze. The last words I had said to you were "I hate you"... How do they expect me to live with my self knowing that my best friend, the person who meant the most to me DIED thinking I hated him? How do they expect me not to blame myself when if it weren't for me you wouldn't be in that car in the first place?

And as I'm standing on the top of this cliff I'm looking at the ocean. It reminds me of your eyes. Your beautiful blue orbs that I lost myself into so many times... Those beautiful blue orbs that I would die to see again, just one last time... I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming your name at the top of my lungs, like a fool. But I've always been a fool for you, haven't I?

I remember that time, on your sixteenth birthday, when I bought us tickets to see The Fray, your favourite band. Your eyes shined so bright Boo. I was only fifteen at the time, but that was it. That was when I realised I wanted to be the cause of that look for the rest of my life, I wanted to be yours and make you happy forever. I realised that I was in love with you, Louis, and it terrified me at first, how dependent I was of you. But at the same time, I felt at peace, like somewhere deep in my heart I knew that was meant to happen. We were meant to happen.

That night, when you drove me back to my house after the show, you hugged me goodbye and told me you loved me, like you always had since we were six, and when I said it back, there was a whole new meaning behind it for the very first time. I think you noticed it though because you smiled charmingly and caressed my cheek softly for a moment before I got out of the car. Your touch burned my skin for hours.

And since then the subtle touches and little romantic gestures continued... Like this one time when we both broke in to our old high school on a Saturday night just so you could take me up on my favourite spot on the roof. You know, the one with the pretty red roses. My parents were fighting really hard that night, so I called you, like I always do... or did I guess. And you came. Sneaked in by the window like you always did and took me in your arms until the tears stopped. They always did when I was engulfed in your muscular arms and surrounded by your sweet perfume. It felt like home. You felt like home. And I miss my home so much, Lou...

And I can't... I can't picture a world without you. Nor do I want to. I don't want to live in a world were I can't see your beautiful smiling face in the morning, or hear you raspy yet high pitched voice last thing before I fall asleep. I can't possibly live in a world where half of my heart, half of my soul is missing. I'm so sorry, Louis. I know this is the last thing you’d want me to do, but please, don’t be mad…

Just hold on, love, I'll be seeing you very soon.

**Author's Note:**

> So... Yeah. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to leave a comment or kudos :)


End file.
